Feedback Culture

Welcome to Feedback Culture! Do you want to read the introductory post to this blog?: LET´S FEED THE WORLD!

Want Some Music While Having A Look Around?

There’s just me…

Sometimes, I’m so concerned about other people that I lose touch with who I am. This song reminds me of the importance of being connected to myself. Do you like it?

lyrics

Just Tell Me I’m Great!

This is a little anecdote about a “feedback flop” I had a few days ago. A friend of mine had just finished a draft for the cover of her book to be published next year, and she had spent days on it. She asked me, proud of her result:  “Look at this, what do you think about it?” Me, wanting to be honest: “Wow, I like the design! But the one expression below doesn’t tell me anything – is there another word for it to make sure that people like me can get the message of this subtitle, too?” “Great. Why can’t you just say it’s awesome? I didn’t want to hear what you think about it, I’ve already sent it to the publisher! Oh I’m so pissed off now, why did I ask you? Honestly,

Are You Angry?

Anger often prevents us from giving and receiving feedback in a nourishing way. If you’d like to spend two minutes to find out how susceptible you are to getting angry, you might want to check out this little quiz:

Anger Quiz

This quiz is from Steven Stosny, PhD, a renowned author and media consultant. You’ll find more quizzes about anger, emotional abuse and articles about communication issues on his web page Compassion Power.

There Is No Such Thing As Objectivity

My friendly lecturer for Business Applications is not only an IT expert, but also a well-established executive coach and management consultant. Of course, he knows about feedback and communication, and here I am going to give some examples of what he said during the lectures: 

Ways of getting/giving feedback:

1. the facts – raw information (“It is…”, “we saw…”)
2. emotional response (“I feel…”, “I think…”)
3. meta comment (“this means…”, “this could become…”)

For the second step (emotional response), let me add some great comments he made on it:

First, a note on feelings and objectivity: 
Prof. Dr. Birkenkrahe: “Oppressing feelings is dangerous”.

My Sentence For Today

I’ve just remembered a quote that has become so true for me:

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

The Dalai Lama

Let Others Digest Afterwards

I’d like to share something with you that I have learned in relation to giving feedback to others. In my experience, it is very important to let the person receiving feedback express his (her) point of view after (s)he has heard my feedback. Usually the other person did what he thought was best, and had their own reasons for his behavior, and these need to be acknowledged. Therefore, when I give feedback, I ask the person receiving it afterwards: “How did you find hearing that?” With this, I hope to focus my attention on the point of view of the feedback-receiver, and give them a chance to express themselves. I’d say it’s not about right or wrong – instead it is about two people who have different approaches, wishes, needs, feelings and values – the solution often lies in acknowledging both sides, and not in making one person agree with the other. For me it is much easier then to develop a new “strategy” mutually; one that serves both parties better.

I’m Just Saying…

The whole process of giving and receiving feedback in a few words;-)

1. When I give my feedback, I try to “look at me” (I-messages: I feel, I saw/heard, I wish, I need, It’s important to me that…)
   
2. When I’ve given my feedback, I try to “look at you” (How do you feel after hearing my message? What’s important for you? What do you need?)
   
3. When you’ve heard me and I’ve heard you, I try to “look at us” (What could be done to improve the situation for both of us?)

I-messages

When it comes to feedback and communication, it’s often recommended sticking to “I-messages”: “I think… “,  “I feel…”,  “I find that….”,  “I need…”,  “I wish…”. Giving “I-messages” can be helpful when formulating our feedback in a way so that it does not judge the other person. For example, we could say

Tasty Feedback

This post is all about “tasty feed-back”:  feedback that is easy to digest and focused on the actions of others that contributed to our happiness, and why we felt so.

Why do I try to feed the world with positive feedback?

It makes me happy – I can distribute these gifts for free! If I focus on “what made my life more wonderful today”, and then communicate it, my happiness doubles! It’s actually a selfish